Now that the firefighters knew I was committed, I hoped they would listen to me and trust my judgment concerning their healthcare. Being a firefighter took twenty years of their life – but in terms of stress, lack of sleep, and repeated and complicated injuries – it was more like forty. Many of them worked a second job, usually construction, just to make ends meet. Retirement was likely to be rife with chronic pain. And now, with 9/11 and its aftermath, there was the growing nightmare of evolving and unresolved health issues.
These were not men who would ever ask for help or talk about needing it, and I understood why. Within their special community – their brotherhood – there was no need to ask. To solicit assistance of any kind was against their unwritten code. They had a greater faith. As Dan wrote in his letter: “… if a fireman needed help with his house, guys would just show up.”
As I looked back at how consistently my own needs were met in this firehouse, I knew this was true. Not having to ask allowed one to remain strong. Reinforcement was drawn to you instead of weakening yourself by reaching out to someone else.
As such, I realized that the mandated Friday afternoon counseling sessions would only add to their stress. Simply, it went against their tradition. These men responded to action, not talk. While the time I spent with them was brief, it was clear to me that sending in counselors to get them to talk about their feelings was a waste of time and money.
I heard a funny story concerning one of these counseling sessions.
One of the firemen told a counselor, “You know, I haven’t slept with my wife since 9/11.”
And the counselor, certain he was on the verge of an emotional breakthrough, said, “And how does that make you feel?”
And the guy said, “Fine. I never slept with my wife before 9/11.”
The firefighters would have to rely on each other. And they did. I needed to do more, not because they were asking, but because it was the right thing to do. I would take care of them as they had cared for me. I was learning.