I'm off and running from my apartment on West 72nd St downtown. I have a lot to do today being that I'm flying to Amsterdam tomorrow with Andrew. I hop on the subway, feeling anxious that I'm late for my 8:30 acupuncture appointment. This is the time slot that I have had every single Tuesday morning for almost two years now. I race up the steps at Union Square......I want to be quick today because I have an appointment at the passport agency down on Hudson at 10:30. But you have to be there 15 minutes early. As I'm pushing the buttons in the elevator I can't help but shake this weird feeling. Do I actually have an appointment? I've had one every Tuesday for the past two years, why wouldn't I? I open the door to the office and June, the secretary, looks up at me startled and tells me that I don't have an appointment today, which she also found rather strange. I tell her that I will see her when I return fom my trip. This trip to Amsterdam has been giving me a really bad feeling for a few weeks now. I have never felt this way before. I love travelling and I've always wanted to go to Amsterdam. So why? Why was I getting myself sick over it? So now I figure that I will slowly make my way down to Hudson Street. It's the most beautiful day. The skies are so clear and blue. I start heading down University Place. At the end of University stands the Twin Towers, like two powerful pillars of strength. I'm staring down at my cell phone, calling my friend at work and telling him how I actually didn't have the appointment and that I could have made my passport appointment much earlier, like I wanted to. At this time I see people starting to huddle together on the the street and staring downtown. Of course I didn't want to be a typical New Yorker and look where they were
looking....I wanted to mind my own business and continued to look down at my phone. I heard all of the voices saying that a plane was flying too low. What was it doing? It's heading right for the World Trade center! And with the loud boom I was struck by the scene before me. It looked like a surrealist painting. A big gaping whole in the tower on the right. Oh my God, what about the people at work in there? Everyone around me was silent and awestruck and confused. How could this happen? It looked like a plane just went out of
control and just crashed right into it. I start making phone calls....no
one is answering. I'm leaving messages on everyone's machines. I get through to my Dad and grandmother on Long Island. I tell them what happened and to turn on the news. I end up getting off. I'm going to continue my trek downtown. The people around me were telling me that I shouldn't go. Fifteen minutes after the first hit a huge explosion happens in the second tower, far off to the left. A huge bellow of cries echo through the streets. How could an explosion happen all the way on the other side? People start yelling that it must be a terrorist attack. A terrorist attack? A numb feeling pours through my body. I feel paralyzed in my place. Afraid to move. Looking down at my feet I wonder if they will bomb the subways. The stressful, rat-race energy that is the usual flow in the city has changed. It's a feeling of warmth now. Everyone is numb. Everyone is looking at each other like they are seeing one another for the first time. And everyone is looking at the person next to them like they may be the last person that they are ever standing next to. Every cell phone in the city was out, fingers desperately pounding on the numbers. No calls were going through. Vulnerable. This overwhelming feeling of wondering where all of
the people that you love are....and are they alright? News was
spreading......the Pentagon has been attacked. And the explosion was
actually another hyjacked plane from Boston. What? This is not real. Not happening. This is worse than any movie could ever be. I'm so frustrated that I can't connect with anyone. The sirens are coming from everywhere. A firetruck is making it's way up the street coming towards me. As it passes I see the firemen covering their faces with their hands and crying. My heart filled with tears and my body started to tremble. They knew they were driving towards death. They knew those towers were going to fall. And they knew that there was nothing that they could do. I wanted to collapse and cry. I wanted to touch the faces of those firemen and hold them. Knowing that they were heading towards the end of their life to save the others was too much to bear. I've never been so terrified in all my life. A woman a few feet from me lets out a piercing scream. They are jumping from the building! At least ten bodies diving from the skies against a crystal blue backdrop. The debris falling around them. Anguish spreads and
lays on the crowd like a heavy weight. All staring and bracing themselves for what would be next. Somehow I got through to my family again. They were filling me in on the latest news. Another hyjacked plane went down in Pennsylvania. And yes, people were jumping from the towers. As I'm talking I felt everything freeze for a moment, I gasped for breath...the left tower was going down. I cried so hard and was shaking so uncontrollably. I couldn't speak into the phone. I felt the world falling. This is not real. I hear the voices of my dad and grandmother trying to calm me down and the phone went dead. I lost all contact. Standing there on the street..I can't get in touch with Andrew or anyone I love. A numb state of loss and fear lingered everywhere.....our beautiful, powerful city. It's symbol of strength is almost gone. We wait in anticipation for the other to die a slow death. Falling so easily. So smoothly into a huge tower of dust and smoke. All of the history. Gone. We just stand there. Breathless, afraid to utter a word. A nightmare unfolding around us. We felt such warmth and compassion for each other. We didn't want to move. Where do we go? I stood there in silence with the man who was by my side from the beginning. How do you share something so catastrophic with someone and never see them again? We held each other in a long strong hug before telling each other only our first names. His name was Michael. He was a defense attorney. And his office was right next to the World Trade Center. Or was. We said our goodbye. Deep down not wanting to. For there was no one else. With a painful lump in my throat I said goodbye and made my way to my friend's apartment on 11th street. I just want to feel, hear, and be with the people I love.